My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
