I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
