Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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