she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
