Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
