he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
