And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
we're making bets on your personal life
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
