I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
