I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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