You just made me feel so damn special
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
