operation harelip BJ is a go
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just pee around me
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
