before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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