Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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