i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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