I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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