last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
