if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
