remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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