Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
