Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize