he shaved USA in his pubs
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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