Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
