Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
