I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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