Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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