It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
