Ambien. No doubt about it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
