Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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