Can i not drive my cunt home
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
