he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
