she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
This baby is an asshole
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
