Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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