Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Randomize
