Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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