I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
