OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
