If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
