cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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