the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
