Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
