I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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