New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
