a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
