Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
