There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
