have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
