A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
