When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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