yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
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