im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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