yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize