I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
