Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Of course I have a pirate flag
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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