I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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