He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
