i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
