he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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