you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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