Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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