you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
