You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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