Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Randomize
